A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
