I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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