How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
