I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
