shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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