It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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