If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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