our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
