am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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