When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
