I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
