no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
