can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
