you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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