I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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