grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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