goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
