i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
