I could make wine with my vomit
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize