Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
