If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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