I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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