final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
