Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize