Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
