He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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