the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
