Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
