im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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