i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
