What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
