Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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