so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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