Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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