I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
