just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
