It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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