Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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