I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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