Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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