Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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