Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
