I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
