My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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