I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
