I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
