Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
