Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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