I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Screwed.edu
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
