so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize