Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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