Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
