if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize