So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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