Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
