My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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