the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
