I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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