please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
