Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
