Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
