The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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